I'm going to fondle priestesses!

(He does.)

We're going to send an untstoppable demon called the Reikoku after the Master of Anything Goes, thus giving the pervert a way to escape danger!

(They do.)

I will become master of Anything Goes Martial Arts, learn cool new attacks, and become a great teacher!

(He becomes the MASTER, learns new ATTACKS, and sucks at teaching others, while acting as BAIT for the DEMON who cannot SPEAK.)

We teach each other and are on the path to a loving relationship.

(They are.)

I will learn an Amazon technique and suddenly kick Shampoo's ass with a technique she probably knows better than me.

(She does.)

I will get my head shaved and then become cannon fodder.

(She does, and has NO CHARACTERIZATION.)

This is one of the most canon fanfics EVER!